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A couple of nights ago, I was reading a blog when I came to a post of her, which was very interesting. Why? At the end of the post, there were some points that caught my attention. And I realize that hey, this point is just so true about life. I couldn’t put it any better than this.

With her permission, I’ve quoted those points as below:

We encounter failure throughout our lives.
Failure branches into 2 channels.
Channel no.1, is by seeing it optimistically.
Channel no.2, vice-verse, by seeing it pessimistically.
it all depends on us to make the decision.
(it reminds me of Cognitive behavioral learning -very effective when it comes to handling stress and anxiety)

There are times when one has to let go of that burden of an impossible-to-be-realized dream and get back to reality.
it somehow contradicts with the fact that Thomas Edison and Einstein had failed numerous of times before they had succeeded.

Should we go on doing something we feel we are never meant for?

Well, her point there is very clear. No need any explanation there.

The reason I’m writing this is that this issue is exactly what I’ve been facing all this while. I’ve always think about should I continue to pursue something and risk loosing what I have, hurting myself or to just let go and loose something that possibly there for me.

Sometimes I just wish that I can tell the outcome of every choice I made. I just want to know if it’s worth it, or I’m better off letting go a burden that in the end doesn’t mean anything. But we all know that that isn’t possible, not even in the wildest dream.

So I guess I’ll never know the answer to that question:
Should we go on doing something we feel we are never meant for?

I’ll never know till I loose it.

Anyway, I guess I don’t wanna crap too much about it. This is life, if it’s a pain, so be it. I can’t change that fact.

And another reason that I quoted that to here, is to remind myself of that point, that;
There are times when one has to let go of that burden of an impossible-to-be-realized dream and get back to reality.

It's been almost 2 weeks and counting...

Man, right now I'm feeling kinda bored out of my skull. Seriously, i'm beginning to miss my schooling days. I mean those days at uni, NOT my secondary school, those are nightmares.

It's like my day's plain routine. Every morning wake up late, play Maple story, if bored go launch some SWAT 4 action or any other games, then watch Alias series, play maple, watch movies on my PC, play Maple till midnight and go to bed. No sweet dreams. Next morning, repeat the same thing like a recorder. I just can't find anything else to do.

When I feel like chatting, i'll log on to my YM only to find all grey status. those remaining only will have the ever popular Red sign at the side, indicating they're busy and it'll be wiser to leave them alone. Sometimes seeing these grey faces makes me feel so loney that i just shut the programm down. I'm better off saving some RAM for my games =P.

Working? i just dunno what to do. wanna do something that I can gain some knowledge, no one's gonna employ a student for such job. And standing at the supermarket, irritating the customers who's looking through some cloths isn't a ideal thing for me. How I wish my dad had a PC shop, i just love tweaking those PC. Bah, better wake up. *THUM slamming my head agains the wall*

Well, it's just 2 weeks only, god knows how'd I'll pull myself through this. Anyway, next week, the exam result should be out. hmm...maybe a couple of supplimentry papers might add some "sparks and action" to my this holiday. No, maybe I'll be praying "please please please let me have a boring 2 months holiday" afterall.

Blog out.

Some updates to this...

Well, i added some more features to this blog here, like that every scrolling poem above, that isn't written by me, showing how lazy i am that i have to borrow others stuff. But gone is that LP logo up there, for some reason that poem push it up, making the top so big that u won't be able to read any post without scrolling the page down. Anyway, this is a blog, for my friends and others to read and me to talk to myself, so it can make do without any fancy decoration.

Well, I guess, during this long break, I might try to take some time off to write some stuff for this blog, perhaps might be better than playing maple story the whole day. Anyway it's hard for me to write anything at this kind of time (it's 1am now). i'm kinda sleepy and i tend to loose the plot, start crapping here.

BTW, i found this god-knows-what song that i use here kinda nice. Well, it somehow gives me a sad feelings, kind of. I dunno why, but i found myself leaving the page open, let the song plays while i was playing maple story, LOL. oh, also this song does reminds me of somethings... and erm....., oh, maybe it's just me. (See, I'm begining to crap here). Well, i guess i'll just leave it for awhile.

Good nitez.

Congrats to Ferrari F1 team

Well, this might be a little too late as the race was last weekend, but heck, I'm just too free, NBTD. Heh.

Anyway, i'm a big fan of Ferrari F1 team. Been surporting it since back in '99, when F1 first came to malaysia. That time, I didn't know much of F1, but of course the man of the day, micheal Schumacher cought my attention. It was then i started watching F1 and became a tifosi.

Well, this season, they haven't been in their best form yet. So far, out of the previous four race, none of them have been won by ferrari. All was wrapped up by renault. Funny thing is that, last season, everyone was complaning that it was boring that MS too many wins, but now renault took all and alonso took 3 out of 4 wins, and ppl like bernie says "hey, this is what F1 needs".

Anyway, that aside, last race was good, though MS didn't win, but he was the best man out on track there. he started on P13 and ended P2. In fact, had the track been wider, we would have won it, as he was some 2 seconds faster than anyone else.

Well, even more better was the fact that in the last two races, we were very poor. Performance were not up to par, tyres degrade like an ereaser, gearbox having problems. But last weekend they prove that they are back at where they use to be.

well, from here, i hope they'll continue to progress.

here's something to any fan out there:

there were times when things goes wrong and it seems like there's no hope.


but this is what happens later on, few years down the road. A 1-2

Keep the faith =)

Another change of templete for my blog.

Well, welcome to my blog with a new look.

The old one was cool, but unfortunetly there's lots of shortcomings like it doesn't display the title and instead the date. Also there's no any room for comments and the fond are quite small. In the end, I choose to change to this, which is actually a default skin provided by blogger.com. I've decided that it's easier and better to take a skin with features and add the decoration, than a custom decorated skin and try to add the feature in.

Anyway, I'll continue to add extra decoration in later on. This is just the basic. Also, i'm trying to find some suitable writings to put in the poem. Yes the function is there, just nothing to put into it.

PS: The song playing here, well, i got it from some other template and since i have it here, i just dump it in. God knows what this song is. I'm still finding URL for that song player i use to have.

Empty holidays

Half way through the first week of the holidays. well i have to say that days wasn't as long as i though it might be. Times just pass, and so will this long break. It ain't long.

Anyway, I just keep myself occupied to my pc, and that's life. Pretty much dull, noting special, everyday's the same day. So much so that I have no idea what to post here actually. heh.

Well, lately I've been playing a kind of addictive MMORPG (online game). And well, it was under beta test phase, and unfortunetly, it opened a new server and it does looks like everyone have to change to that server, which will be a real server for the commercial game later on. And here, unfrotunetly there's notihng more that we can bring rather than our experience playing that game. we had to start from basic again. everyone, no matter how high their charater lavel is, no matter how many months a person had spend on it.

Given this situation, it may seems that many players would hang up the keyboard and call it a day. After spending hundreds of hours on it, it's all gone and had to spend the same amount of time and energy again.

Well, i did proceed to register to the new server, and to my surprise, it's full of players, mostly all had play long time ago. yes, they are all restarting. This kinda lead me to think, mad, this kinda mmorpg is a hell of addictive. oh btw, i'm one of them too, got addicted. It's a wonder how a game can does that, hehe.

Temporary freedon at a last

Wow, been awhile since I've updated here.


Exam was finally over last thursday. Ever since then, i was kinda addicted to my onlince MMORPG game. Heh, porbably due to the fact that i haven't been playing it for so long, there's just so much to do, hehe.


Anyway, here comes the much anticipated 2 months break. Oh year, read---> TWO long months. Not that I hate holidays, but i personally feel that 1 months break will be sufficient for me to have enough rest, and play my games of course. Now two months is just overkill. What's more, result will be out on the thrid week of the break, if all papers pass, hell I'll be able to have this whole holiday to myself. But if I were to fail any paper, there goes the two months break. I'll instead have to sudy for the supplimentry paper.


Speaking of the exam...hmm, well, honestly i must admit that I have no confidence in some of the paper. Well, this is the consequence of not serious my studies. Well, this is not the first time though. Each time at the sem, I'll tell myself that next sem, i'll try harder and make sure that I won't go into the holidays. But oh well, it's just like another typical new year resolutions.


Anyway, this two weeks i guess i shouldn't be thinking too much about it. Just wanna be carefree, heh.


Oh well, tho months, guess i'll miss my uni life and my close friends (T.T). But heck, time flies.

Bad Connection Day

Today's broadband connection was really slow and very unstable. There were frequent disconnections all the time and so, most of my eMule download can't progress at all as it takes time to connect to other user to start the download, and when it does, the connection will be cut off briefly and there goes my long awaited download.


And web surfing has not been spared by this online "curse" too. Surfing experience has never been this annoying since i got the broadband service. Not just it takes ages just to load a simple page, sometimes it'll end up with a "page cannot be display" error.


Being someone who's constantly online, this can be a very very annoying thing to me. At times I feel like tossing the comp out of the window. But oh well, there's nothing i can do about it.


It seems that this problem were a result of some damage on the cable undersea. AFAIK, this kind of damage takes days or even week to be repair. Well, i really hope that connection will be restore by 14 april. Why? only because my exam ends that day and it's time for online game again.

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Finally 3rd paper settled. It wasn't any better than the last two I must say. But after the third paper, i had to admit that I'm very tired already of all of this. After days of studying and stuff, i just wish the break will come soon. even if 2 months will bored me to death, let it be.


Anyway, speaking of which, I had just a moment ago put this line as my YM status: "Dreaming of studying electronics....and thinking of how dream is as far as it gets." It's just a pointless crap there as i've never in my life dream to study =P. But it somehow it suddenly trigger my mind to wonder into all the things that I had always dream of all this time, some in the pass too.


This dream is, in other words are my wish, my hopes, it's all the things that i always wanted all this while. And I had realize that, oh boy, how many of my dream actually just came and flew by. Most of it was nothing more than a dream. But then again, I realize that most of it i was happy enough to see it go. Had those thing happend, I wouldnot have been who i am today, i would not be at where i am today. Of course there were some that i regreted never had it, but I like being here today. Although my life's full of short comings and empty desire, I'm still glad to be who i am today.


Till here only for today. I'll call it a day and go to bed now. Oh, I hope I'll have a nice dream tonight, probably of something I always wanted but not possible in real life. At least I can enjoy it for a moment in my dream, even if it's just a dream. That's as much as i could ever hope for.


Good night world.

Very unlucky week so far.

Finally, the exam has begin. So far I've gun down two papers, or should I say screwed up tow papers? Anyway I was so unlucky this week.

On the first day of my exam, i find out that i no longer have my student ID card with me, possibly lost it weeks ago. I was like OMFG, WTF should I do now. After searching around my house but in vain, I rush to campus to the exam dept to ask no what I should do, as all student requires to have their ID display during the examination. Then i was told to go to the security dept to make a report and get a temporary card. Finally i make a report and i was told to use the report as my temp card for the exam. Oh well. Although late a few minutes for the exam, well it was very tiring. Anyway i decided to sit down and cool myself down first instead of rushing to fill the particular and start doing it =D

That aside, both exam were ridicullous. Very hard, I'm not sure what went wrong though. Probably I played too much this sem, together with all the new year and chinese new year celebrations, this whole sem was screwed up. I have three more papers to go, but I don't expect any different from this.

That's all for now. I'll try to post up something better next time during the holidays rather tham my boring daily life.

Nice poem.

Today was a very normal day for me
I was doing everything as usual
Till late at night
I was lying flat on the bed
Doing nothing, just lying dead flat
Suddenly, you came across my mind
I always believe that
I already let you out of my heart
Because, all that I can do
Is to stand behind you
And envy the luckiest person in the world standing beside you
Cherishing your sweetness, your beauty
I understand that you are not smiling for me
But it is more than enough to see you smile
I realized that I meant nothing to you
Just as a friend
I realized everything, I know
I knew it all along
I pretended to be one of your good friends
I pretended to feel nothing, as if I care nothing
I pretended to be strong
However, I was astonished by my own feelings
As deep down inside I still feel that special attraction for you
Each time, when you come to me
My world are filled with joy
However, I still pretended that I am not
Because I afraid you might notice and stop coming to me
Although I know that you came to me with purpose
I still felt very happy
At least, I can have a moment in my life, just for you
At least, I can have a moment to keep in mind, forever
We crossed our way, when I met you on that sunny day
I thought everything was right and there’s hope
When coming to conscious, only I realized, that
I was late, someone came ahead of me
No matter how, I understand there is little hope between us
Now, I just wish to say that
Someday, I will let you out of my heart
But before that, please let me keep my feelings for you
This feeling which is bitter, and painful
This feeling, which means a little of happiness to me




This poem was writen by geminist, a member of lowyat.net. And yeah, this thing was taken off that forum.


This was writen by him personally and it, I believe, came out of his personaly experience, therefore, i guess it would be easy for anyone to find it somehow easy to relate to themself. No rainbows and butterflies, just pure real life stuff. And what makes it special is that it's not being faked to make it sounds beautiful. (I hate those fake poems BTW)


Anyway i just find it nice, it's kinda emo, and so I decided to post it up here since i'm pretty busy lately to think up of anything, and might as well sharing it with anyone out there who might like it too. Again, credits goes to this user geminist. And thanks to him for allowing me to post his works up at my own blog.

........

My room is filled with tension right now. I really have no idea how to release it. But somwhow i had the urge to do some blogging (in hopes of makin' myself feel better).

Well, i must say that it's almost a week things has been these way. I'm just so sick of this i have to say. i wish i can just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning finding it's all over, it's 15th of April. Exam over, holidays kick in. *oh boy, i think I'm going retard =P*

I have no idea how to release this tension. these weekend, sunday, there will be a F1 race, maybe i'll watch that to spend sometimes off my academic sickess. But next 2 weeks will be total hell.

Anyway, I just wanna wish all my friends good luck and all the best. Hope u guys will be able to score. While i know u all will pass it, it'll be me craving for a pass. Oh, good luck to myself too, hope I'll pass it all =D