The Joke's On Me

I always think its adding up, but it never does...

It's my fault. There's probably some underlying cause-effect reasoning behind all of this that perhaps I don't know about, which is why I'm unable to prevent myself from all this mistakes and land myself rock bottom, but it doesn't meant it isn't there. I just wish I could see through all my flaws and worked on them.

Things Caught In My Mind

Tomorrow the new semester begins, and I honestly wish that I it was just another semester for me, where I'll wake up and attend classes. I wish I could just wake up and find myself 2 or 3 years back. No training, no work to attend, just one of those semester I miss alot.

But instead, I'm in such a pathetic place. Tomorrow is yet another day spent with my pointless "job". I got a feeling that I think about LF every 10 seconds or so, which is probably the only thing I'm good at. Well, besides being self-destructive that is.

Can we turn back time?

I wish there was an easy way for me to comprehend all this things caught in my mind, but there isn't any. wish I could just make my mind numb, shut it off, trash it, whatever...

Breathing is Bleeding

Till this day I wonder why am I being so emotionally retarded. I hate the person I am to the point that I hate this very existence. I just don't know how to fix it, I can't stop myself from making all this mistake even though I really wanted to. I'm always confronted by fear, the fear of all the things that I don't know. I'm scared, I always am, and I just don't have a way of dealing with it, to contain it. I always let it screw me up, and when it does, I become this emotionally retarded kid.

It kills me. I just keep wishing I could be someone else, like all the normal guys out there. This incompetence of mine is what that'll always keep me here in this lonely place. I'm weak, I feel lonely, and I can't do anything about it. Its like I'm here just to live a pointless life. Everyone I know is out there living a life and I don't have any. At least not one that meant anything. I'm not good with people, I'm boring and the only thing I'm ever good at is to make others avoid me like a plague.

Its funny how I thought everyone's life will somehow turns out just like every other normal people out there living a normal life, while its up to each person to make their life extra special. Little did I know that some people are just meant to be left out...