Right now I feel so bad. Just needed to pen it down somewhere.

Feels like so many things went wrong today. Maybe some are my fault, but some is just out of my control.

I just keep on hoping against all hope, trying to make things better and it keeps back firing on me. All that I'm destined to do is cause misunderstanding, one after another.

I wonder why...

But right now, how I wish I could say the word sorry. Cause thats certainly what I am right now

I really, really wish I could do today all over again...

Untitled

Here I am again. Feels like theres a thousand things I wants to say here and yet...

I seems to remember I sucks at writing my thoughts down. Take my assingment today for example. Shouldn't had said those not-so-nice stuff, I guess it was completely misunderstood to be something against those post in this assingment instead, when what I really meant are other real life sites.

Boy god knows how I wish I could take that back and do everything over again right now.

But yeah, why should it even be remotely surprise, given the kind of luck I have.

Regardless of where I stand, the last thing I need is another screw up, and that's what I do every day.

I really hate posting words right now, I should stop here.

Not Even The Trees

Now I really can't sleep. Keep having all this things playing over and over again in my mind and I think its really alot for my mind to process right now.

Can't say that it wasn't self induced. No matter how, it always seems to lead back to me. And boy I really hate myself right now. I really do.

Just when things are pretty good, or at least I think it is, it just has to go wrong. Whether its luck or its just me plain imbecilic, I tend to mess things up. It certainly feels like that.

I really wish I have a magic wand right now that could change me into what a man should be. I'm in no position to make all this mistakes and yet I still do again and again, and someday I'm going to look back with nothing but regrets.

Funny how the biggest thief in my life is me myself. Right now I'm such a forgettable tragic comedy that is not even funny.

- Nobody

word fails me

Some guys have all the luck, there's a song along that line. While some guys just have all the bad luck. And then there's me. I have all the shit luck in the world.

Saturday, internet service went down for more than 10 hours if I recall correctly. Assignment got slightly delayed. But its ok, I'm so glad the line came back the same day. Was that a miracle?

Obviously no, no miracle for me, remember. Sunday morning, woke up to a DSL-less internet. Fine, maybe those airheads had to complete whatever job the started yesterday.

Well, what was I thinking. They never do complete any of their job do they?

It had to be tonight. 11pm, line went of for an hour, and back and off and back.

Don't they have better things to do at 12am in the morning?

But what really pissed me off right now is their operator who refused to do anything about it after I spend like 30 mins on the line listening to some lame music. DLS lights up, can't conform port, can't make report. God damn effing moron.

Well, its a good thing it came back after eventually. Although a port reset would have fix it immediately.

That was alot to take in for a night. I wonder why do I always have this kind of luck. Every time when everything is going well, it has to be too well that something must go wrong. Its like I don't deserve all those good things, something just have to come along and put a dent, put a halt, ruin everything...

Final year projects and industrial training. Never in my wildest dream I would have thought that they will be so difficult, and it haven't even begin yet. I think I am afraid of it, how everything its going to turn out. I don't even understand this recurring fear myself.

I think probably the fact that me being a screwed up student, its going to rear its ugly head now. I've always thought that I could get by this way, that its all OK, but I guess now that illusion is slowly being shattered. Its really not fun to be someone who's constantly complaining about my cgpa putting me on a back foot in practically everything, but I don't know if ignoring it will fix anything. I don't pretend to be who I'm not and who I am, is really screwed up right now.

Well, a little too late now huh for me to wake up to this reality. I really wish I was a better person in every way. Its not just about my academic, its about everything. Me, as a complete person. I don't know what the problem is anymore. Well, maybe I do, I just...

And like it or not, I guess my final year in uni is finally approaching. And I know everyone's going to go far, do great things with their life. They all will. Except for me of course. Destined to take the rough road no matter where...

Well, that's a lot of pessimism there, but I guess it makes the disappointment more tolerable. I guess that's why...