Twisted Me

I've got a regular problem
I'm like a big fat tumor in me that
I can't leave this life of loneliness
Everyone's got their friends to flaunt
While I count my ceiling tiles on Saturday night
I guess that makes them more of a person that I am

I'm having trouble showing what I meant
I'm older but I don't feel any smarter
I don't know what I said or did to you
And now you despise me so
And I guess I deserve it
I wish I could be myself without wasting all your time

I tried to leave a good impression
But it's hard with me being who I am
And when you're only 25
I guess its not attractive to complain about loneliness
But all my friends are gone now
And I miss you the most

I could bitch about it until my eyes turn blue
Or moan about the things I should have done
But nothing I could do to turn back time
Or have you see me the way you used to
Before I dragged out friendship down the creek
I wish I could be myself without wasting all your time

I guess all your friends new and old
They deserve you
I just I wish that I did too
But I'd still say they're lucky to have you
And as you know, me with odds and lucks
If my life depended on it I'd be long dead

Well I guess my life is unfix-able
A classic case of flawed by design
I'd rather have a drink
And walk down to the lake
And beg the sky for lightning bolts
I just can't be myself without wasting all your time

Of all the people that I've know
I used to wish I could talk to you everyday
Now of all the people I've wronged
I wish you'll be able to forgive me someday

Untitle...

I miss my school life. I miss those years I spend in university. Its a time where I guess I felt like I could belong somewhere, it was the years I could actually make some real friends despite not being good at it. That says a lot.

Someone with some strange luck, we got to knew each other and despite me being who I am, you did not find me some creepy dude behind a screen name, you did not despise me despite my flaws. You became my friend... and I miss that very much.

It sucks to be in my place. I don't know how to change myself, although I knew I had to. I'm just another friend who's worse off than all the many people you knew or got to know. I don't have that luxury. Since we left uni, nothing's change for me. I don't really care either way. The only thing I really cared about was to not lose your friendship, yet my actions can't reflect that.

There's a lot that I am sorry for. I really wished I could have took our friendship to something better, instead I'm left missing all those times, the friendship we had, and I'm really sorry about it every single day, to you LF... for all my mistakes I kept doing.

But if this world have a funny law of saying that nothing goes unpunished, then it could be assured that I am. I am miserable every day, and I can't be happy, not even a brand new shiny PC I'm building could change that. The only thing that can I feel is loneliness, and miserably without any life.

I guess that's my punishment. An extremely lonely life and the misery of watching yourself losing the most important friend in your life.

It is a punishment. A sad one...