Who the hell did I think I was

Sometimes I guess I forgets who I am. I'm no one useful, I'm just another screen name. All along I just wanted to be someone close, but it certainly seems like I fails at that all the time.

Some people are just so lucky, they had it comes naturally for them. They gets to see the person, be with the person, talk to the person almost everyday. They get to be their close friends with little effort.

Me I'm a miserable kid at the wrong end of the spectrum. The more I try, the more I screw things up. And all I could do is to dream about being that close friend I seems to fail to be.

I miss her everyday. I wonder how its like to be one of her close friends who gets to be with her and talk to her so very often. Its nothing short of amazing, I'd imagine. They are all very lucky. So very lucky.

The kind of luck I never had...

I blame myself for the way things went down, and I'm sorry everyday. I just wish I could magically undo everything, and make everything the way it was back then before I slowly damaged everything, because I really miss those time.

Being me, life is just a one big sorry.

Trying To Count The Stars

Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin
Apologize for all my sins
Again...

Lately it seems that I keep making mistakes, I'm incapable of doing anything right. I don't have the right to make everything this hard, I don't know why I went down this path. Why why why did I have to be so screwed up. I think about all the mistakes I made for this past couple of weeks, how I stupidly turned down that suggestion and I've been practically going downhill since then, making one mistakes after another, and it just make me sick to my stomach. I'm sick of myself.

I really wish I have a magical means to fix everything right now, but everything seems beyond my comprehension.

I'm so sorry, LF. I really wish I hadn't screwed up this way. I wish I could say all of these cause I really don't know what else I can do right now. But it all boils down to this, that I'm truly sorry...