That Was Then

Its been very long since I drop any thoughts here, and that was a good thing I guess because when I usually do, its a sign of my incompetence yet again rearing its ugly head. I mean, that's how it always has to be. Sometimes you just hope against all hope that someday all of this might change for the better, that I may be able to for the first time in a long time, pen down my thoughts here only because it all felt so good, but hey, no abracadabra there either.

Its been awhile since the final semester ended. Somehow I felt, indifferent, emotionless. I wasn't jumping in joy. Why? I don't know really. Maybe I'm still driven by fear, maybe I'm just jaded and numb.

I thought of trying to summarize everything, but that wouldn't be so practical after all. Sometimes the emotions behind it is just too overwhelming, because I'd really like to take the time back and re-live everything again. I wish I could wake up the next morning and find that I have my first class to attend, where all the possibilities was still ahead.

What would I have done different? Maybe I would have tried to be a better person since day one, maybe there's nothing to do, but what not to do. Perhaps, I would have told myself that he'd eventually end up being lonely and miserable, never quite have that 10-cents happiness that just seems to be something that only happens to everyone else but him.

If there's one thing that I won't change, its the people I met in this past 6 years. Many of them had played a huge part in my life, some more than others, but I'm truly grateful to be able to meet these people. If there's one regret I have, its believing that every close bond are self-sustain and if anything, they could only be better, and not go south.

That was the biggest mistakes I made.

Had I not made that mistake, maybe the landscape would have been more of an unfamiliar territory today. Maybe we would all have been on better terms, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be writing a post like this came the end of this 6 important years of my life.



But of course I could be wrong. I sometimes forgets that these amazing people to me, are just that too to others. I may be emotionally retarded mentally incompetent loner, but that doesn't meant I can't tell how important and significant these people are, which means that they are so too for others.

As much as these people meant the world to me, I'm sure there are others who feels the same too, people who could return the favor by being that important of a person to these people as well. And that's something I failed at. As much as a person meant the entire world to me, I'm probably just another name to that person. As much as I wish I could be a close friend to someone, I'm still just yet another friend.

I guess the only thing here is that I know what privilege is was to know these people, and I hope that all those close friends of this person knows how lucky they are to be able to be this person's close friend, real life friends who could be with and talk to this person every so often.

Guess I should stop here before I stop making sense.