Final Thoughts (Part 2)

Throughout the entire semester, I’ve had my share of fun, and good days I have to admit. Though sometimes I don’t really let myself be sincere and admit to myself that I really did enjoy it, simply because a part of me had this fear and insecurity lingering over my back. So maybe, just maybe, I might now have some regrets over it, of not letting myself be true to myself. Like the saying goes, always enjoy something while it last.

There were days that felt so long, and some felt like it passed to quickly. Some days were warm some felt cold, but I am no stranger to downs, so considering how there’s ups and down, I thought that was pretty normal. Well, I don’t think I can list everything down here, just admitting they were, erm, well, I’d never trade it for anything else. I don’t expect anyone to understand it, no one would ever even understand the significances of it all, and it’s just me in my little different world. Imagine if I were to say how a particular two hour replacement tutorial (read, replacement tutorial!!!) class at night after a long day felt like one of the best ones I’ve ever had since a year ago (another 3rd semester that left a mountain of reminiscences that’s tattooed into my mind, and they were the best ever). Not even my best friend would have understood it, which is why I speak nothing about all this stuff except for here.

Alright, I think I should keep things short here. Other than that, I guess everything else is the typical ones, academic, social stuff and so on. Nothing amazing, though CyberP really did pose a huge challenge, but in the end it was fun, very nice couple of days implementing the business stuff, learned a lot. Came exam week, I had everything I needed to study well, all except myself. I’m just this usual lazy ass and now I face a possibility of failing one or more (hope not) papers. But I think I’m just too tired to care about that right now, and just let the result rolls out first then I can go on hating myself having to study while everyone is enjoying. Last Thursday exam ended, Firday the holiday started, and after that day, a series of misfortune event and some corporation still refuse to fix their so call interoperability communication technology till right this moment.

But I’d consider that chapter ends there on Friday. Period.

I guess I’ve had my share of, well, whatever I had that semester. Looking back at it, I wish I’d let myself be honest and enjoy every moment of it much more than I did. AS much as I can analyze everything, I cannot predict what will come in the future. That semester was a chapter that was positively significant, but to me. Me, who am I other than just another typical man, what that is significant to me doesn’t dictates anything that goes on around me and in my life.

So while it was an amazing one, I’d have to leave it as just that. Sure I hope the future would be better, and as I’ve actually mention this somewhere else, I’m that kind that only put everything on one direction, holding on to one hope no matter how dim or ridiculously it may be. There are many unknowns but still… I don’t know its confusing how my brain is wired, even to me.

I guess I cannot hope or wish for anything in the future. Just have to take it as it comes. But for that semester, it sure did left a lot of memories to be reminiscence about, regardless of what the future will be. I am gonna miss it a lot, probably will constantly look back at those times and wish I could relive those moments again (while I’m dreaming here, I’d like to go back to that 3rd semester one year before too XD), and perhaps not trash myself too much, heh. Well, I will…

Final Thoughts (Part 1)

A little later than usual this time, but here goes. There’s really no point to go into all details but just a quick recap (there was enough details posted during the entire semester).

This semester sure felt very long, though it is suppose to be a long semester, but looking back at how it all was only 15 weeks or so, it sure was a long time. Being a third semester of a academic year, I thought it did inherit the tradition of being one of the better semester, and they there’s always this calamity at the end, a supp paper for example.

Going into that semester, I didn’t really know what to expect. It would have been the first time I got totally detach from the batch of student I was from, where I was suppose to be. But then again I wasn’t really Mr. Popular there nor do I really have any close friendship with many, just a handful of them actually. And given all the circumstance, “changes” throughout the years, being detach from that batch was the lease of my problem. I have more to worry about, like say, clearing my subjects ASAP. But my concern was on this new environment I’m going into.

So all in all, it turns out to be much better than I’ve ever imagined. I don’t know how to put this in words, as it will be an overstatement, sort of like me being delusional seeing a mirage of an oasis in the middle of a desert. I’ll just put it this way.

I guess I was very lucky (as in very good for me, not others) from my point of view, to sort of have these special (to me, probably simplex mode heh) peoples, or important (to me) peoples in the same subjects as I did. One was my best friend and the other, well I know who.

There, so hard to put in words trying not to make an overstatement. But I’d like to think it was a blessing to have them around, even if the blessing is just for a semester. I had a lot of help from them. Well, actually, more like a lot, lot of help from one of them and for the other one, it was kinda the opposite though with him, not of the same magnitude, but still the other way round nevertheless. heh. Though I don’t complain anything about it, understanding that he have his own assignment and so I just cover up for him whatever I can for the cyberP assignment. I’m not a saint though, he did ask, and I did at times felt its kinda tiring.

And so everything just went on from there.

Wondering Why

It's strange
To not know what's going on
To wonder what's going on
You think and think and think and think
And your mind's just beating round the bush
You can't find a solution when
The problem's still a mystery

Every morning you wakes up
Wishing it will be a better day
And it just turn out to be another disappointment
Old problem's left unfixed
Mew problem's left unknown

With each passing day
It doesn't gets any easier
You wish you could just wave a magic wand
Make the wrong things right
But there ain't no wand in your hands
You wants to turn back the hands of time
But that want is just a wish
A wish that's out of reach

With each passing moment
You feel your grip's loosing up
All odds stacks against you
Ever memory serve as a reminder
Your world was once beautiful
So where did you go wrong?

A mystery that will always lingers
Like the dark clouds outside the window
Shadowing your entire day
Taking away all your spirit and strength

So you just curl up in bed
Close your eye try not to cry
Cross your fingers and say a prayer
And dreams away
Wondering why...

Curtains

Well, the semester has finally ended, officially, and I'm not jumping out of my chair. I'm just feeling kinda, empty right now in my head. No thoughts.

I think its just strange how my holiday always starts off with troubles, turbulence. My life may not be particularly colorful but I could make do without all this ruckus to spice things up.

I still recall how there was once, just at the beginning of the holiday, my internet line hit problems. It wasn't totally disconnected but it wasn't usable either, with more than 99% packets lost when pinging any given site, I basically couldn't use any internet application. Signing in my YM would probably sent all my contact blocking me because I'll be disconnecting and auto reconnect like 10 times a minute? I couldn't even browse forums without tearing my hairs off waiting for it to load. It lasted for almost a week if I recall correctly, and that was the one thing that till today, makes me wish it never happened and makes me wonder wouldn't it be good had it not happened. That was the longest 4 or 5 days of my life, waking up every morning hoping to find everything's fine and they're not. I mean, who's TmNet to disappointe me huh.

Anyway, ever since then, any semester break had never been smooth, always start of with problems. This sem was even more amazing, starting with my video card giving problems even before the exams ended and was forced to reformat. And now, the YM-MSN interoperability is screwed up again, no surprise there, and um, well god knows what's next in line.

This isn't me whining about all this stuff that could have happens to about anyone, but to think that how consistent they are, it just amaze me, sometimes scares me. I mean, why always at this time, why here why now?

Anyway it's been such a, well I don't know. I'm lost of words to describe this semester and I don't think I can recap everything here in this post either. It certainly has its share of impact on me, and well, that's my life being 21 going 22. No whistle no bells just a lifelong dreamchaser, never know when will be a dreamcatcher.

Oh boy !

So 3 final papers went down, I mean literally down, as in a aircraft went down. And after the paper on Saturday, I decided to gave the GF6800 graphic card another try, I don't know what I was thinking, and man it sure prove to be a bad decision. It corrupted files on the system drive, I could even install the driver for the other backup card, in the end, I wasn't left with much of a choice but to do a reformat of the operating system. Didn't went as quick as I wanted it to be.

Boy what a day I had there. I don't know what's worse. That it all had to go wrong on the wrong time, or that I'm losing my GF6800 card. Either way it sure wasn't nice, its like a double edge blade cut.

Last paper to go and I don't think I can pass that either. Strange isn't it, each time comes around 3rd semester, I ought to screw up a couple of papers or so. Damn.

My PC ran into troubles again today. It started off with corrupted cursor, then being "smart" I tried to change the resolution to see if I could correct the thing without restarting, and the whole thing went dead, and not able to restart again, sending me into a frenzied trying to replace the graphic card with the older Radeon 9600 card just to get it back up and running. But its no secret to me already that this motherboard doesn't take a different graphic card easily, so tried this and that and in the end, removing the first memory stick from the first slot solve it, and my GeForce 6800 could only boot up to windows booting screen and no further. Switch back then to Radeon 9600 as I was in no mood (and time actually) to fix it now.

This was just so wrong. Anyway that booting halfway incident sort of gave me some hope it's not any hardware malfunctioning. Well, I hope it's not, can't afford another card now.

That's about the only hope I have now. My exams have zero hopes.

Gonna be a tough week.

Bored

Ah, the worst time of the semester is here. It's like trying to fire up a cold engine, it's so hard to get started or get focused. Well, this semester has been particularly different though, with the last assignment finishing very late and it's such a tiring one. And then there's me, the lazy one who starts everything slowly.

I think being me, is just the kind of guy who's not meant to sit down and study for hours. I'm always having to be beside this PC of mine, playing songs after songs, and obviously distracting me in the process. And then my mind will just flies away, to god knows where.

But thank god nothing turmoil so far. I think I'm able to concentrate, if I wanted too. But this will be the calm before the storm, when I woke up and realize I've ran out of time to prepare for my finals. Heh.

And yes, finally found the full version of Carrie Underwood's cover of the legendary song "I'll Stand By You", which she perform for the American Idol's "Idol Gives Back" episode. It's such a beautiful song, and simple one with one bass guitar, one acoustic guitar and a violin. Heck its a perfect acoustic song that can easily go with, well, just one acoustic guitar.

Obviously I search for its guitar tab online, added 3 extra chords at the end and viola, its a perfect song. I'm still not good with barred chords but well, takes too long to change from one chord to a barred chord, but I hopefully I'll be able to get those chords right someday.

Now, wouldn't it be good if I could play this song one day? Erm... I mean... oh well, how I wish...

It Paid Off

Finally the Cyberpreneurship project came to an end. It was satisfactory and successful as all of our targeted objective was met.

Looking back at it, I think none of us would have thought it would have gone this well. While the revenue is nothing great, but to think of how we started off with so many ideas from Japanese food to photo taking and manipulation service (heh), and we settled for a idea that was very risky with a huge question mark lingering over its price. It was a very skeptical idea and even with the solution of taking pre-orders, many of us was left wondering how effective it would be. Yet with all this uncertainties, we went on and did whatever we could, and I think at the end of the day, we were all surprise by the outcome of it.

Even throughout the entire semester doing all the preparation, planing and stuff like that, it wasn't entirely perfect, many flaws here and there. Given all this situation, I think we couldn't ask for anything more.

I guess one thing this has thought me is that, there's nothing that could be certain, and regardless of what the outcome is, sometimes we could and should just do our best, give it a try and hope for the best. Long as there's a slight hope, just hold onto it.

Anyway overall I was satisfied with being involved in this assignment. I had fun doing some designing stuff, despite me lacking ideas. At times it was pretty tiring but the implementation day was sort of a mix between very tiring and fun too. I think its the experience gained from doing this is the most valuable gain. I certainly learned alot.

But I guess that's about it. With the end of this project, the only thing that's left is the worst part of every semester, exams.That aside for a moment, it's been a great semester overall. Definitely am going to miss it alot.

This innocent is briliant
I hope that I would stay
Those moments were perfect
Please don't go away...