Rant rant rant

I dunno why lately I've been feeling so damn tired. Despite sleeping long hours throught out the night and also odd hours naps, I still can't feel 100% lively. i can't focus in class, and the lecturer's chanting just makes no sense to me. Yep, I'm a bad student, wasting my parents money just to hear 15 hours of chanting every week for 5 years. Duh.

I feel like screaming at myself now, simply because the university management won't listent to a single rant of mine. If they do, I'll gonna flame them for arranging such a stupid time tables, 8am class and 8pm class that runs till 10pm? Dammit. You are just shortening my life down. I wonder if lack of sleep will cause me to look like a panda, literally.

Arghhh...where gone all my energy and spirit. I need to pick myself up again.

Untitled thoughts

I just read a blog the other day, in a few post back, and apparently the author is having a similler problem with me. I was mildly surprise...well, quite actually. Ok, i'm not glad or proud about it. It just somehow...well, at least i know i'm not the only one which unlucky enough to encounter this kind of stuff.

It's strange how a simple thing can becomes so complicated.

Anyway, I'm kinda tired today. Damn screwed up timetable i have today. Sigh...life's been hard since the start of this semester. I think I'll just call it a day.



Updated:
Now I guess I know why. The problem lies within me, myself and I.

Left in the lurch

Regrets are the worst thing that could happend.
Day by day, all those moments just slip away.
Gone forever lost in time.
And all that's left here are memories.
But that's life. Shit happens.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies.
Regretting will not change a single thing.
All that a person could do.
Is to take what's good and leave the bad.
And be a better man when tomorrow comes.

Sympathy

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don’t need
(all I wanted)
And what I chased won’t set me free
(all I wanted)
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt

We’re taught to lead the life you choose
(all I wanted)
You know your love’s run out on you
(all I wanted)
And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true

Oh, yeah
It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I’m not sure where I belong
And no where’s home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Stranger than your sympathy...

Title: Sympathy
Artist: Goo Goo Dolls

Something to ponder about

At the airport, there was this lady sitting beside a guy, whom she doesn't know.

She opened a packet of biscuits, took out a piece and put it beside her. Then this guy took up the packet and took a piece off it too.

This lady clearly got furious, took another piece again and she put it closer to her this time. But the guy too took another piece. She only got more furious, but this went on, till there is only one piece left.

At that time, the it was the guy's departure time, so he stood up, took the remaining biscuits and break it into half. He too one and left the other half for the lady. The lady was damn furious at that point, with all the negetive thoughts she had for him in her heart.

Not too long after that was her departure time.

When she went on the plane, she reach into her bag to get some stuff. To her surprise, she found the packet of biscuit that she thought she was eating a moment ago.

-------------------------------------



What actually happens was that that packet of biscuits she was eating belongs to that man besides her, which is why he took it too. But despite what she does, he still willing to share the last piece with her.



-------------------------------------

That story above was told by a trainer to my dad during his training course at KL a couple of weeks ago.

I'm not sure what's the moral of the story that was being implimented with that story there, but I guess one could see it in several ways.

One shouldn't judge a person by by just what he/she's seeing, or by just a single situation. There are many thing that we might not be aware of, or is out of our knoeledge.

How to tell if your in love.

11. You'll read his/her sms over and over again.

10. You'll walk really really really slow while you're with him/her.

9. You'll feel so shy whenever you're with him/her.

8. While thinking about him/her, your heart will beat faster and faster.

7. By listening to his/her voice, you'll be smilling to yourself.

6. While looking at him/her, you can't see the other people around you.

5. You'll start listening to love songs.

4. You'll really really like love songs.

3. You'll get high just by his/her smell.


2. You'll find yourself smilling to yourself a lot

1. You'll do anything for him/her.


ROTFLMAO. Got those stuff from friendster bulletin. Well, just wanna share whit whoever might be reading here. True or not, it's for you to decide.

Untitled

This is just one of those post being made up of all the random thoughts that i have in my mind right now. Something like a spam actually. A messy spam. A messy rant. Whatever. It's titled untitled, very much like many things in my life. Yeah, my favourite songs like simple plan's untitled (how could this happend) and one of the best blink 182's song, Untitled, are all called untitled too, heh.

Anyway, there's just so much on my mind right now. So many things that i want's to rant out to make myself feels better. How i wish I can just rant all out here (which isn't possible of course). I'm still looking for anywhere online where i can rant everything out no holds barred. I just hate to keep things in my mind. I've been thinking about it over and over again, and the more I do, the more questions that comes out of it.

Also, I'm kinda sick of listening to all this sad songs that's residing in my comp HDD. Hell, that's the only stuff I've been downloading lately. I hate it, but i can't help it. It's not like I can listent to happy, lovely, romantic sentimetals at times I'm feeling down. The only thing that'll cross my mind is "why am I listening to a bunch on lies". Seriously, when I'm down, it really helps listening to sad, anger ridden and emo songs. Songs like Blink 182's Untitled, Busted's Can't Break Through, Frankie J's How To Deal, SUM41's Pieces, Papa Roach's Scars, Usher's Burn, and many many more have all been a part of me. And the problem here is that I think I've been blasting 'em one too many. As goes in a line from the song What Went Wrong, "I'm sick of always hearing all the sad song on the radio. All day it is there to remind me of an over sensitive guy, that he's lost and alone". I wish one day I can just play the CD of Micheal Learns To Rock without saying "what a load of bullshit" XD.

And yeah, sometimes I feel that I have no life. Yep, that's what they brand those who stay at home whole day either with the books or PC as. I'm one of them. If my PC were to suffer from a software malfunction, I'll spend whole day trying to fix it, to the extend of reformatting if necessary, doing all and never stops till it's fixed. If it's a hardware, I'd rush straight to the nearest PC hardware shop to get it fised ASAP. In short, PC is the only companion loyal I had all the time. Yes, if you're thinking "hey, this nutcase is treating his PC like his own girlfriend, always with her 24/7 and rush her to the clinic if she fell sick. Get a life dude", well, you have a point there certainly. Hey, what else can a single guy do?

Anyway, i guess enough of my ranting. I know you're begining to yawn reading this. I know I am as we speak. I somehow had a feeling that one day, this will all goes away. I don't know. I just want to have a life, I want to feel how it feels like to live. Most important of all, I wants to be real.

Ode to all Mr.Nice Guy

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys oftent gets taken for granted. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative wizard, but this is not their fault, society makes them that way. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is to say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude goes out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

This article was taken from somewhere online with a little modification for grammatical errors and reduce it's possibilities of raising other misleading issues . Unfortunetly, i can't find out who's the author of it, but my credits goes out to him, whoever he is.

I've notice more oftent than never, that guys who always tries their best to play by the rule oftent ends up empty handed. I came to this conclusion after visiting many forums (including one where I found this article) that oftent, this game for two favours cheaters, and how many guys are complaining for being a jerk and swear how they won't be a mr.nice guy anymore. Well, this goes out to all of you guys out there. Just remember that you ain't gonna finish last forever.

The NBTD check list

* Name ~ Hornet

* Birthday ~ 31 Feb 1985

* Birthplace ~ Perion….whops, I mean Malacca

* Current Location ~ In front of my PC

* Eye Color ~ Black, I guess

* Hair Color ~ Black too….dang

* Height ~ 17+ perhaps, can’t remember

* Right Handed or Left Handed ~ Right

* Your Heritage ~ Huh?

* The Shoes You Wore Today ~ My cold dirty feet

* Your Weakness ~ Always act like an ass

* Your Fears ~ Myself

* Your Perfect Pizza ~ Made out of 100% gold

* Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year ~ Be a smarter ass

* Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger ~ OMG, OMFG, WTF

* Thoughts First Waking Up ~ Whoa, I’m still alive

*Your Best Physical Feature ~ My brain. Not a brilliant one, but it’s the only worthwhile assets I have

* Your Bedtime ~ 0hr – 2400hr

* Your Most Missed Memory ~ My care-free past, right till when I was 18 and a little more green

* Pepsi or Coke ~ Coca cola

McDonalds or Burger King ~ MacD (Though I must admit I hate that faggy look of Ronald)

* Single or Group Dates ~ Single for 20 years and still counting

* Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea ~ Lipton

* Chocolate or Vanilla ~ Chocolate

* Cappuccino or Coffee ~ Don’t take both shi….i mean stuff

* Do you Smoke ~No plans to die in pain.

* Do you Swear ~ Yes, of course. It’s a form of art

* Do you Sing ~ Yes, when I’m alone with my favorite song playing. And I must be able to relate the lyrics to myself of course (Which rules out romantic songs)

* Do you Shower Daily ~ Of course

* Have you Been in Love ~ Do I looks as if I don’t have enough problems yet? Wait, oh well, we’re all problem seeker after all. Can’t help it.

* Do you want to go to College/University? ~ I’m in a university now

* Do you want to get Married ~ I ain’t a gay, hell, yeah.

* Do you belive in yourself ~ No.

* Do you get Motion Sickness ~ No. I’m an overdose First Person Shooter gamer

* Do you think you are Attractive ~ Never, never and never in this entire life of mine

* Are you a Health Freak ~ No, I’m kinda fat and unhealthy

* Do you get along with your Parents ~ No, never

* Do you like Thunderstorms ~ One without lightings, yeah

* Do you play an Instrument ~ Tried to take up guitar but failed miserably

* In the past month have you Drank Alcohol ~ Not even once in my life

* In the past month have you Smoked ~ Never, didn’t I just said I don’t intend to commit suicide that way

* In the past month have you been on Drugs ~ Also don’t intend to use this method of suicide

* In the past month have you gone on a Date ~ Which part of single and unwanted that you don’t understand.

* In the past month have you gone to a Mall ~ Of course. I wish we have larger mall here.....dammit I wish it was so much larger

* In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos ~ Ore what?

* In the past month have you eaten Sushi ~ Not my cup of….err… was it tea or coffee?

* In the past month have you been on Stage ~ No. I miss those days

* In the past month have you been Dumped ~ Can you being dump when no one pick you up in the first place?

* In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping ~ Skinny what? WTF is that…

* In the past month have you Stolen Anything ~ Yes, my sanity

* Ever been Drunk ~ Which part of I don’t drink that you don’t understand

* Ever been called a Tease ~ Called a tease? If being tease, perhaps.

* Ever been Beaten up ~ Nope. Not a big fan of trouble

* Ever Shoplifted ~ Can’t remember if there is any

* How do you want to die ~ As fast as possible, and as honorable as possible

* What do you want to be when you Grow Up ~ A real, wanted and appreciated guy

* What country would you most like to Visit ~ Moon

This message was taken from a Friendster message and modified by the Nothing Better To Do Mr. Hornet

Just a passing by post

This post was generated by a I-AM-SO-DAMN-BORED dummy...whoops, i mean human.

Anyway, now i'm counting days till sem opens, take the damn exam and finish with it, regardless of the out come yet. Damn, i'm just so sick of looking at those black and white papers, it's as if i'm reading somekind of alien language. It's eating me alive. Can't say that i'm confident, but mearly just want it to end soon. Arghh...

That aside, let's see what i have when the sem starts. First, finish the exam. Then I have my ID card to make, cerdit transfere to do, and catch up with all the stuff that i'll miss in the first weak.... Also, there mighta be an MMU-nians Lowyatians gathering on 13th. And not to mention my friend's birthday on that week too......holy shit, this is another miracle. Oh god, thank you for the supp paper. *hits my head on the wall*

Also, lately i don't feel all that lucky. I dunno why. Few days ago, I've been sleeping with the lights on. Not to mention the frequent headache i've been getting. Also, i feel kinda useless (-_-). I thought that things had change or improve, but i guess i was wrong, yet again. Wonder why. Just hopes that this wouldn't drag on for too long. Sigh, wonder if i've always been a soldier of fortune.

Spam out~

So when will this end it goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around, I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
-Lifehouse

Just A Dream Or Nightmare?

Last night, I had this one strange dream. Well, i guess it's inappropriate if i were to share the details here, so I guess I won't. No, it's not a dirty dream or anything along that lines, it's just that it will make me kinda foolish, esp to those who knows me in real life. Heh.

Well, anyway, in general, it is something that by far an impossible dream. What i mean here is it's something that will never, ever happends, not in this lifetime at least (wait, i don't really believe in karma actually =P ). But yeah, it is something that i can tell it'll never happens. I know, you'd probably think that i'm a damned pessimist, but well, we have to be realistic right? Even the most optimistic person can't say that 'hey, i can ram my car at 100 mph into the wall and walk away unscratch' right? But ofcourse i'm not implying that my dream is such a bizzare one, but just mearly stressing my point there.

Back to topic, though it's a impoosible dream, somehow it was a very sweet one, one that I wish really did happened to me. Yes, I really had the desire, the wish or whatever on earth u wanna call it, that if only I had such a chance. But here's the problem. Yes, wanting it too much is a problem. Why? I really did enjoy each and every moment (ok, it's virtual moment) but when I woke up, I somehow remembered this very clearly. And happiness turned to disappointment. Immidiately, reality kick in, and i could only tought to myself 'Who am I kidding here. Damn, why I even dare to dream about it.'

Anyway, such disappointment really wasn't the most ideal way to wake up and smell the coffee. Instead, it's like i woke up from the wrong side of my bed and smell the pile of shit. It's much more worst than looking at a GeForce 6800 Ultra SLi set and sigh in a heavy feeling knowing i can't afford it.

Now it makes me wonder if it is actually a sweet dream or actually a nightmare? If it was a sweet dream, then heck I should've woke up with a smile and be glad. But unfortunetly, the gladness was short live. Reality puts a premature end to it. Well, if it's a nightmare, then the effect really takes ages to take place. Its like we have it in our sleep, then got freak out only after we woke up. Hmmm....now is there any catogary such as bitter dream? No, perhaps I'll just call this a sweet bitter dream =P

Well, sometimes, it's ok to let our mind fly away for a moment, into somewhere that we've always wanted, somewhere where this world is too cruel for it to exist, whatever. But when it start to affect us in a negitive way, that's when we should draw the line. It's ok to have motivational dreams, but never let a impossible dream controls us.

I'll be sleeping tonight in hopes of having a better dream. Perhaps I'll dream that I'm spiderman, web swinging to macholy save the girl I have a crush on, have a up-side-down french kiss, and few months later, having another proper french kiss, and she said, go get em tiger and I swing away with the song "Vindicated" playing in the background. Duh. But at least I can laugh it off when i wake up. Isn't that better?

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
-Lifehouse

I've never conqured rarely came, but tomorrow just hold such better days...

In my previous post, I was ranting about how my life became worst as time goes by, and how much i wish i was back in the past when everything was so great, bla bla bla...

Well, nothing wrong reminiscing about the past once in a while, but there has to be a fine line drawn. Once the dust has settle, it's time to look foward, and I guess that's what I'm, at the least, trying to do.

Well, i do notice that i have one too many weakness all along.

Sometimes i'm too blind to see what's real and instead being disillusion by what's not or rather, what I've wanted
Sometimes i wanted one too many
Sometimes i takes things too seriously
Sometimes i acted like an ass
Most of all, I'm so sorry that i had those weakness

And i have to admit, that this ain't the first time i wanted to change, but more oftent than never, i never did suceed. This is probably why i got myself in such a difficult situation.

But to think again, i guess that it isn't always rainbow and butterflies in life. And there ain't any problem that could mean the end of the world. Yeah, I've made my mistake, I'm flawed and I'm paying the consequence. But this doesn't mean i have nothing left. I still have my life. I can still pick up all the pieces and carry on, take what's good and leave the bad.

Oh well, so much for that. I have to start getting my ass up and work to fix myself rather than just repeatly say things like a old broken recorder.

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
-Blink 182