Mellow Start...

Tomorrow will be the first day of another new semester, and I can swear right now I felt like, years ago during my high school time, when the two months long vacation comes to an end and the next morning will be back to school, yeah, sort of like that. Um, its a negative feeling. Like, I don't want to go school, man I can't wake up that early, I wish tomorrow's still another holiday, duh.

Which is strange considering it was only like 2 weeks ago or so, I was wishing the break would end soon, and now, it's the opposite. I don't know, probably its the not-so-pleasant timetable I have, and I think, most of all, I'm afraid of the subjects that I'll be taking next semester.

It's not gonna be a walk in the park. Last sem, I didn't even had any calculation stuff to do, it was all theoretical subject and I loved it more than anything else. I just hate calculations, never good at it. This time around, I have like 2 and a half subject worth of calculations, damn.

Enough about academic nightmare. If I thought last sem was long, this is going to be perpetual. Gonna be a long way to go. I don't know what to expect. I just hope for the best of things, even if it looks like a far away dream, for the best things could possibly be, for the best that fate decides that I deserve.

Truth is I'm just so confuse. I don't know what's real anymore coz I do know that my mind is capable of playing tricks on me, making me believe things that isn't real or at least to say, isn't the way I saw it is, and when I get this rude awakening, I'm so blown down I don't know how to face it. But what can I do. We can't all the time watch every single step we make cause time don't wait. I could only try my best and face whatever the consequences are. My biggest weakness is not in being able to try, but it's being able to face the consequence.

I wish I could develops more maturity one day...

Tears of Morning Glory No Luck

Ah, been such a bad days filled week. I don't think I even wanna go into the details.

Last Saturday went down to KL city with my family. Well, by then my mood was already half left but anyway since I've promise my mum I'd drive, I just went anyway. Driving's fun, except for the occasional airheads who could cut right between my car and a van in front with less than 2 cars space to spare, all while we're doing like 110 to 120kmph. I could had ram right into that bugger's ass. Anyway, as it did last year, it rained heavily on the way home, those usual evening rain.

Came Sunday, calamity hit again. My PC encountered an terminal error with it's display driver or something. Had to reformat, which was what I did this morning. And to my horror, the same problem persisted. Had to reformatted everything, this time minus the DirectX API update. I'm hoping its just some graphic API-Driver conflict. We'll see, cause if its not, then it's hardware, and I'm dead.

Anyway good thing the OS can still reboot under safemode, so I had everything backed up nicely. Somehow, the YM message archive got backed up together too and was found among a bunch of documents and stuffs. So I just put it right to where it should be in the program folder. And yeah I sat there watching the status bar as it transfer each each contact's folder to the hard disk. Some was instantaneous, some took some time, some were long. And... yeah.

I Miss You

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
Who's this guy I'm looking at
Why I can't remember being him
Cause this isn't the person I wanted to be

Mirror mirror I wish that you could lie
I wish that I'm looking at a different face
I wish that it was someone that I used to be
I wish that there was someone else standing here in front of you

Mirror mirror I wish that you had shown to me
All the flaws that I would make
All reasons for every regrets
Show me how I lost it all

Mirror mirror what's the difference between hopes and fantasy
Was it a only a mirage of a lonely mind searching for
Something thats never was and never will be
Masquerading his inability to measures up to anyone

Mirror mirror I'm no longer real
I'm just a shadow of my pass
Stuck in a perpetual reminiscence of the pass
Forever shrouded in a solitary world of mine

I was bored, didn't have anything better to do, so... this is how I pass my time.

And So It's Been A Week

Well, it's been a week into this semester break and I felt like I'm breaking down. It's just so, empty, if that's the right word to describe it. Days are just so long, and I spent most of my days sitting aimlessly at my PC here listening to these tired songs that keep playing on this tired speaker.

The pass few days, I just didn't have any mood to do anything, gaming, spamming my favourite forum, it's like my mind went into an idle state. Oh well, I sure have 2 more weeks to do that.

I don't know what's on my mind now. Just feeling so messed up. I do know that I am counting the days till the semester starts again. They always say, the secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby worse than it. Well, I guess that the secret to enjoying the semester days is to have holidays worse than it.

Anything But Grey

Ah, another semester came to an end. I figured that that semester shouldn't be too hard, the subject was all purely theoretical, no calculations needed. I was right about that part, but wrong about how easy it could be for me. It was a chance flunk out the window.

It's been such a long December, it just felt like, wow, what a short time for so many things to happens. It sure is wasn't a best way to end a year, nor it is to start a new one. I don't know if this 3 weeks will be anything good to me. Strange how it gets less and less jolly every time it comes around.

Back then holiday use to be such a good time. But heck even during semester isn't any less either. Heh. It's just cruel how everything in the world changes eh.

But I've found that there's one thing that no matter when and how the situation is, it can always be done to pass the time. Playing the guitar to a song. Only difference is of course, the songs. I'm not a good player at all, never ever. But I just play it to my own pleasure, so it doesn't bugs me at all if every chords is out of tune, heheh.

Well, I'll try to do that more often this holiday. Maybe I can eventually improve it.

[Part 2] Where Do I Go From Here.

I would trade anything to go back to the beginning of 2006 rather than going into 2007. Weird huh.

So, where will I go from here? A new year, to be honest, doesn’t mean anything to me, any more than just to flip over a new calendar.

First of all, I don’t seriously make any new year resolution. This is because as I’ve seen many times, in life, nothing is for sure. Everything changes, it’s like, everything is dynamic. So, I have to just tag along with all these changes that I’ll just realize one moment that all the old aim or target just doesn’t fits in anymore. I have to do things according to the present, not the past when these resolutions were made. So, the end result is that, resolutions are broken year in year out.

Heading into this new year, I’d like to think that it all isn’t doom and gloomy. I don’t know, but I hope that this isn’t some imagination of my.

Oh boy, as I was typing this, it’s already 2007. LOL.

Ok so, like they say, there are certain circumstances that some things cannot over come. But despite these circumstances, they never give up. So, what would this means then? Well, like I’ve mention earlier, I cannot predict what will happens in the future, and so I don’t know for now what will be the best course of action. Though I guess, I’ll just keep my hopes and my finger crossed, praying for the better, maybe there’ll be other chance in the future. That’s about all I could do now. But I guess, there’ll always be this part of me that will remains the same.

Well, I guess growing up seems like a endless process, heh. While I have learn a lot, and I guess, in some ways, I do see a little improvement in certain aspect of myself, there’s still a lot more to learn. More falls, more bruise to take, harsher lesson to be learned.

All in all, I could only hope that there’ll be better days ahead. But life goes on. Exam coming up this week. Another disaster waiting to happen.