Sick Cycle Carousel

So, the holidays draw to a close, curtains down. But at the back of the stage lays a pile of stinking poo called exam results. Well, it was a big ugly letdown, but I should have known better anyway then to expected anything more than what I got. Somehow I did anyway. Oh well...

Well, sometimes it may seems like I don't care much, but I do have my own target of achivement. I don't come into this uni for no reason. But for every rotten result that I get, it all feels further and further away.

I think the missing part in this is the motivation. Every time i tells myself to try harder next time around, its nothing more than just talk the walk. I fails to walk the talk. Ah, should have do something that I have more interest in than something that was dictated by others.

Thus Far

Alright, so now 1 week of this holiday of mine has already gone, and so I asked myself "What had I gain out of it?" Nothing, to be percise. I wanted to do some follow-up on a couple of things, but I end up not doing so. And what about deficit then? Unfortunetly yes. Ah, that's life all about, nothing to gain and so much to loose.

Anyway, for the first time, I felt that I'm really bored during the breaks. I mean, I use to enjoy holidays alot, seriously. It was the only time where just like anyone else, get my mind free of any bugs, sit back and enjoy it. This time around, it's just empty I guess.

Anyway I've already had my good times. It's pretty cool to be honest. For the first time, I felt what I'm suppose to, and it was for real. But I guess, its just too bad it couldn't last. Ya know, sometimes something just doesn't meant to be, no matter how hard we try. At the end of the day, we're just mortal that have no 100% control of what goes on around us.

I can't wait to grad and get the hell out of here. I mean, once you've drop the ball one too many times, its hard not to be defensive and loose hope here. But certainly the grass has gotta be greener on somewhere out there.

Same old same old

When I was young, my grandmom's house use to have alot of grasshoppers around. Now what I once did (was what I learn from my friends LOL) was catching a few of em, and I actually remove the two back legs (yeah, cruel me) just so it wont hopped as its name suggest, and put them in a small plastic, transparrent container. I put some water and grass in it, in hopes that it will survive. Needless to say, it didn't last long.

Ahem, alright, now that I'm done with LOLing.

That was dumb, I know, but I barely knows a single thing about biology, only learning those sordid stuff from friends (sort of blind leading the blind situation). Of course, I've since learned that they could not live without those legs, and those grass I feed them was a joke.

But now that more than a decade has since passed, I actually finds myself very much the same. Always wanting something without knowing all the fundamental things that I should well knew before hand. Well, perhaps it goes down to the confidence that I had in me, that had blinded me. I keep thinking, yeah I can go for it, give it a try, only to realize later that it screws up so much that if I ever had the choice, I wouldn't do what i did.

But then again, there was a difference here. When those grasshoppers died, I just threw them away. But now, for each and every mistake I makes, the repercussion stays. Like the saying goes, you do the crime you pay the time.

Oh Snap

Well well well. Just when I wanna try out bolehblog, the admin had to bring it down because of some prick who already had it (bolehblogs while the other one is bolehblog). To be honest, I dont even know what bolehblog is before this. Its not like we're stealing his popularity, but instead people might stumble upon that crap because of a typo in the url field.

Now we had another one up called blogcentral, but they are currently under beta testing and not giving out any new blogspace I guess. LOL, what a luck.