I’ve never been a bright person, nor had I any remarkable good luck. Me depending on luck is as good as suicidal.
My academic performances were just barely enough to keep me going up to this point. I enrolled myself into a course I thought I’d like, only to realize I made a big mistake.
I had always been too naive of a person, and yet I ain’t cool with the consequence when I hit reality.
2 years ago, I got myself totally messed up playing a game I guess I wasn’t meant to be in it yet. I screw things up, and it drag on for so long.
And then a year ago, I completely screw up a couple of subjects.
The numbers of friends I have are countable using just a hand.
While I got cleser to a couple of 'em, the rest just drift away.
I've had, for countless times, watch everything that I've ever wanted just vanish right in front of me, being taken away by someone else.
At present, things aren’t going any better, so to say.

I turned 21 this year, and you know something.... If it’s true that experience makes a person, then I can’t wait to see what happens next ‘cause to be completely honest, I’ve never realize just how happy I am with the type of person I’m becoming.

It'll only makes me stronger.
Life’s a blessing in disguise.

111111oneoneoneonesatusatusatu

Finally I'm done for the week. Mock meetings all done and dusted, finish yet another lab experiment (had a super last second help, damn lady luck loves me this time) and the report and suggested questions as well. (Finishe about 30 mins ago as I'm typing this)

And so........ I felt empty

Damn...

This suddent, temporary freedom suddenly makes the atmosphere so hollow. Let see. I've done downloading The Recruit, Doom and Alias season 4. So can watch these dled FOC movies, though pretty lame way to spend my friday night TBH.

My brother soon going away to further his studies, somewhere out there, god knows where. Glad he did well in his high school examination, more than i'd ever imagine I'd be able to. Hmmm....guess i can have all the broadband bandwidth to myslef? Yeah...oh...right...har har.....zzzz...

A house like this with just 3 ppls living in it just isn't right...

Fingers crossed his not reading this though. Heh. I just want him to go out there, do what he wants, what he likes, AND NOT WHAT MY PARENTS OR THE SOCIETY DEEMS AS GREAT, RESPECTED, EASY MONEY, BLA BLA BLA. HE IS NO PUPPET FOR U TO CONTROL. HE'LL BE WHAT HE WANTS TO BE, NOT WHAT YOU WANTS HIM TO BE.

DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.

If that's what they wants

My friend once fowarded a link to a video which is legally downloadable online. Its actually a simple advertisement made by a local petroleum company.

In this ad, it was about a group of old ladies, possibly old time friends, having lunch together, and they were all talking (technically boasting) bout how their son's and daughter are all buys with their professional jobs such as lawyer, surgeon and so on, how he's working overseas and earning 5 digit money.

Now came to this old lady who was just quietly enjoying her food listening to them. When they asked about how her son was, her simple answer was just that he's doing fine, healthy. And she went on to say that he always brings her on vacation. Then came her son, in just a normal car, with his family, and she left going to Cameroon Highlands. The rest stared in awe.

This advertisement baiscally tells all about the community here. At the least, the Chinese (don't get me wrong, I'm a chinese as well). Everyone wants their son to be in high ranking professions, and boast to others, and whats more, the community look up upon these people.

But I sometimes have to wonder, do they actually wants their children to grows up to be someone that's professional and earning big bucks yes, but thats always away? Are they proud to have their children all staying overseas, and their grandchildren could barely reconize them? My point here is that our comunity always wanting money and power, but overlooking the small but important aspect of life that actually makes a life worth living.

You see, many old people these days are proud of their son when they holds high ranking job, works in and international firm and so on. But when they are old and alone, they put the entire blame on their children for leaving them behind, putting them in the old folks home and so on. But they forgot that it was them who brough up their offsping into such a person, who abandons everything for money and power. It was them who sets the mentality on their child to sucess to the maximun in their education, and that they do it all to earn big money, that money is everything. So who's to blame here?

But anyway, this is just a thought of mine. I know that this community would never change, at least not for the better.

And oh, at the end of the advertisement, the message it delivered was that money, power and fame isnt the most important things in life. The love of your family member is the most important thing.

Sometimes flying solo is better.

If there's one thing I hate the most, its gotta be trying to come up with ideas in such a short while, when the ticking clock is stacking up the pressure. But well, that's exactly what I'll have to do next week.

I use to had it back then in primary school right to high school, whenever we had to write an essay in a couple of hours time or so. Each time when I does that, I had to rely on my luck, hoping that the question is on a topic that I have alots of knoledge in it.

And then there's this god damn speaking test in my uni years. Not only we had to comes out with ideas in 5 minutes, but we had to speak it all out, for what seems to be eternal time.

But if anything, I guess the pressure is coming from our group leader who's a perfectionist I'd say. He wants the extra 5 marks, and so its like, not only we have to worry about our own peformance, but there pressure to do well is there also from the group, knowing that if we screw up, we're gonna screw up the entire group's 5 marks.

I don't know but, its always easier when u know that the consequence of doing something only affects u. In such a situation, the pressure isn't that much. But knowing there's a load of expectation from others, thats when it makes things hard. I'd just wish they took the approch of go out there and just give our best shot, instead of being such a perfectionist.

Finally a mid term paper's over. No point talking about it. It wasn't prepare in anyway.

The vehical fuel price went up again, and I don't know if its me or many drivers are now driving slowly since a couple of days ago. But still there are a bunch of crank head motorist who seems to enjoy it all that well, revving up their engines and drag it for no apparent advantage, swinging in and out of traffic making a pass on other cars.

Well, the upside of this will be that I'm force to drive in a manner where it prolongs the overall vehical's lifespan, lol.

Uh well, just not in the mood of blogging actually... trying to pull myself together. Damn pass few days I was, well, i don't know how to put it in words. But heck I even read the timetable wrongly, turns out that I never miss any lab session. My god, what a mistake i made there.