Cold September

I've often heard about how how people talk about them missing their college life, their study life. I'd admit that it wasn't something that I really understood, not at first. Its just one of those things that words and speeches just isn't enough to give the real picture of what its really like, its something you just have to experience it yourself.

And I guess that's how it felt like for me. Its been several months since we finished university. Its like every logic I once knew back then just no longer holds true now.

I guess its just so easy to get left behind at this point of life. That's how it felt like for me, in just several months and everyone is like few months ahead, and I'm just like a lost clown faced soldier from Rome going into World War 1, armed with swords and shield against the machine guns, trenches and armored tanks.

The worst part is I can't dig myself out of this mess. All I know how to do so whine at here about it, which is the only thing I have a qualified Degree in. No, my mistake, I actually acquired a PhD in whining.

I'm also scared, of losing my sanity maybe. Well, not really actually, I was never sane to begin with anyway. I'm scared of losing my friends, not that I have many, but... And LF, I'm just unable to be that good person of friend I wish I was. Maybe its because of all that feelings I felt for LF, or maybe I'm just a numb brained person incapable of that from the beginning, and I'm just too stupid to realize it.

I just wish I could somehow know what I should do. I'm so tired of making all the wrong moves. I'm just treading in the dark here, there are so many things I don't know. I really wish something someone somehow can help me out here