I wish I could go back to where my university life started 6 years ago. Somehow, I've manage to make some great friends back then. This was the years I get to know some of the most important people in my life.

I wonder where did I go wrong.

Now all I ever know how to do is to lose everyone.

The one who still remember me hates me.

How does one goes to zero and make his close friend or best friend hates him?

Agony and Irony

I'm sick, hadn't been this ill in awhile
My mind was filled with many thoughts I can't even sleep

Its like a broken stone by the road side.

I feel useless, small, and insignificant.

And sometimes I fear that this will be all that I can feel
That this will be the last thing I can feel...

Sometimes I just feel like I have a huge banner on my head that says "Please hurt me".

I'm just so inviting to all the bad stuff. When I tried to be a good friend to someone, all that happens is they see me as the bad guy that should be ignored and pushed away. Whenever I tried to convince myself that I could be someone that's worth something to others, all that happens is I'm reminded how worthless I am to them.

Well, I can't exactly make myself happy in situation like this either. I'm just an old lonely guy who still blames himself for losing all his friends.

*sigh*

I can't remember the time I ignored anyone. Maybe I did, somewhere somehow, hurt someone badly, fails to see how much my friendship meant to them and just went to destroy their feelings and hurt them deeper than a razor blade could cut.

Maybe this is my payback, I'm now punished with the same torment inflicted back on me.


If I could give away 10 years of my life to redeem myself I would. A short normal life is more worthwhile than a long lifetime of loneliness. Its brutal living like this...

Mellow Boy With The Infinite Sadness

I'm losing my job
I failed at mending my own friendship

I'm falling apart. I'm afraid that I will not be able to hold the pieces together and I'll just crumble to pieces this time.

I still miss you.
Even if I've talk to you, I still do.
I still miss how our friendship used to be back in those years we were in college

I still think about it every day. Maybe sometimes I'll dream of it at night, and I can breath for awhile.

5 minutes of dreaming a make believe of that life is better than being awake in this life ...