I Wished I Was Normal

Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around with a huge sign on my forehead that says "Please hate me, despise me, be mean towards me and make me feel horrible". I just have this uncanny ability to somehow make a person hates me despite my best effort to actually improve our friendship. How do I always turn things around for the worse?

That seems to be a part of me that I could never understand. I just know that the problem lies in me because its something that only happens to me. If that person is a nice person with many friends and somehow I could be the only one that said person despise, then I think its glaringly obvious that I am the problem here.

I'm never good at socializing, I sometimes interact with people like I have down syndrome. I guess sometimes that's how I unknowingly piss others off, make them despise me and react to that hatred which results in me feeling like crap.

I do feel like crap, knowing that I'm not good enough to even sustain a friendship with you, to know that I'm the odd person out when it seems so easy for the many others to be your friend and I'm on the opposite end giving you reasons to hate me and despise me.

I feel like a piece of shit.