Sometimes I just feel like I have a huge banner on my head that says "Please hurt me".

I'm just so inviting to all the bad stuff. When I tried to be a good friend to someone, all that happens is they see me as the bad guy that should be ignored and pushed away. Whenever I tried to convince myself that I could be someone that's worth something to others, all that happens is I'm reminded how worthless I am to them.

Well, I can't exactly make myself happy in situation like this either. I'm just an old lonely guy who still blames himself for losing all his friends.

*sigh*

I can't remember the time I ignored anyone. Maybe I did, somewhere somehow, hurt someone badly, fails to see how much my friendship meant to them and just went to destroy their feelings and hurt them deeper than a razor blade could cut.

Maybe this is my payback, I'm now punished with the same torment inflicted back on me.


If I could give away 10 years of my life to redeem myself I would. A short normal life is more worthwhile than a long lifetime of loneliness. Its brutal living like this...