Dear Dairy,
Your author has been losing his head in these few days. He knows that he's a complicated person and he realize he still fails at changing that. He knows that he can't afford to mess things up and yet everytime when things are looking up he pulls it down against his will. Why does he have to be so complicated, how much further does he wants to push everyone away, when the everyone figure itself is decrementing. He couldn't and doesn't wants to mess things up this time.
I wish that I could wave a magic wand and magically uncomplicated his life. I can't so right now, he could only try his best to contain the complications of himself, hide it away from others and not let it influence all his action. But this has a consequence, as it gets him very paranoid, and being paranoid leads to inaction out of fear that whatever he does is a step in the wrong direction. Inaction rings a bell about a well known, familiar regrets of inaction, of all the things he now knew he should had done but never did. Inaction leaves one wonders about how something could have been had he done so and so instead of being so insecure and afraid.
2 to 4 years ago, he's a very complicated person, much more than he is now, but that wasn't the worse part about him. He had no control over his actions, all the bitterness, anger, and frustration that is unjustified, unfair, unnecessary, was all shown in his action. I can't say he's now able to completely apprehend all the unnecessary outcome of his complicated mind, but he did manage it much better than before. This is because he now regrets it, all the actions that he had shown in the past. He knows it all too well it was wrong, and all the justifications that he had back then for his actions, he now could see through them.
I prays that he would eventually, quickly apprehend his mind. Good memories a great, regrets aren't. And he doesn't have the ability to turn back time. He doesn't wants to mess this up.
And also that he wouldn't be so crazy as to come to his blog and talk about himself.
I wish that I could wave a magic wand and magically uncomplicated his life. I can't so right now, he could only try his best to contain the complications of himself, hide it away from others and not let it influence all his action. But this has a consequence, as it gets him very paranoid, and being paranoid leads to inaction out of fear that whatever he does is a step in the wrong direction. Inaction rings a bell about a well known, familiar regrets of inaction, of all the things he now knew he should had done but never did. Inaction leaves one wonders about how something could have been had he done so and so instead of being so insecure and afraid.
2 to 4 years ago, he's a very complicated person, much more than he is now, but that wasn't the worse part about him. He had no control over his actions, all the bitterness, anger, and frustration that is unjustified, unfair, unnecessary, was all shown in his action. I can't say he's now able to completely apprehend all the unnecessary outcome of his complicated mind, but he did manage it much better than before. This is because he now regrets it, all the actions that he had shown in the past. He knows it all too well it was wrong, and all the justifications that he had back then for his actions, he now could see through them.
I prays that he would eventually, quickly apprehend his mind. Good memories a great, regrets aren't. And he doesn't have the ability to turn back time. He doesn't wants to mess this up.
And also that he wouldn't be so crazy as to come to his blog and talk about himself.
posted by Garry at 12:44 AM
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