I'm Sorry

I know that I've made many unforgivable mistakes that hurts you, that disappoints you, and push you away. And I think sometimes I don't realize it myself, because if I do I would had prevented it. Maybe my intentions are somewhat lost in my actions that does otherwise.

And then there are these situations that's out of my control, I think I've already mention alot about it here, I am unlucky and somethings that I depends on just malfunction when I needed it most.

I don't wanna defend myself here, I hate it equally alot cause as much as I've hurt you, I hurt myself twice as much, and this is not self-pity, it was just facts.

I wish I could take all the back. If there's something I could say I would read it everyday. But the fact is that I can't and everyday I just try to look for ways to redeem it and more often than never, I hit the dead end. But it's nothing I can complain about, that's the way it is. If mistakes are redeemable, then everyone would had live a life without regrets.

I just hope that you could someday forgive me, even if I never will forgive myself.

"you" are all the people that I've made mistakes upon, those I've cared about, including the one that meant the most to me.

Just some thoughts I needed to get off my mind. I can't fall sleep. It just somehow cross my mind how horrible of a person I have been. I guess the saying is true, that the ones we hurt the most is always the ones we loved the most.