The Only Easy Day Was Yesterday
I don't know what's the deal with Wednesday, but it just seems like everything would go well on that day, and for every other day, it gets screwed again. I think it's scary, though I don't know if its a scary coincidence or its how I misanalysed it. But then again, I don't know what's the deal with me anymore. I think sometimes I forgets who I am. I forgets where I stand, what I am to others. Those are the things I can't control and I guess I tends to forget that too.
I feel so helpless here. Sometimes I'm even so tired of putting everything down here, there are days it doesn't helps me feel better getting all this sordid thoughts out of my mind. I left everything here in hopes of keeping these side of myself away from everyone else, I don't want to push them all away by having them seeing me like this, in such a over analytical yet pathetic state, sometimes may even reflect a mind that suffers damages. Especially not the ones I cared about. But I think somehow I'm just not good at entirely hiding this ugly side of me. Maybe my intentions and feelings got lost somewhere among these calamity and all that was shown to others was this immature, unreasonable, insecure, heartless, self centered kid. Maybe that's how I complicated everything.
It's not that I wanted to be someone I'm not, let alone any negative intentions. It's just sometimes I myself am scared of this side of me, one which I'm trying hard to change too. It's just a part that is heavily affected by my emotions and feelings and I know how dangerous that can get, so I tries to hide it all away.
I don't know, all I knew was that I made mistakes, though I still often tries to identify where I went wrong. I just feels so sorry for all the wrong steps I made that leads everything to where it is now. There's nothing I wouldn't give to go back to when everything seems so perfect, so simple, and elegant.
But now is now. I can't tell for sure how this story of my life is gonna be, if it's gonna be just a short story, a long solitary one or one that's just like anything in life, started off rough but everything eventually turns out well. I can't tell for sure. I don't believe in perfect happy endings. But I do believe in life that we could be content and grateful of. I guess I'll keep trying, do whatever I can and pray hard it'll be just fine, someday.
I feel so helpless here. Sometimes I'm even so tired of putting everything down here, there are days it doesn't helps me feel better getting all this sordid thoughts out of my mind. I left everything here in hopes of keeping these side of myself away from everyone else, I don't want to push them all away by having them seeing me like this, in such a over analytical yet pathetic state, sometimes may even reflect a mind that suffers damages. Especially not the ones I cared about. But I think somehow I'm just not good at entirely hiding this ugly side of me. Maybe my intentions and feelings got lost somewhere among these calamity and all that was shown to others was this immature, unreasonable, insecure, heartless, self centered kid. Maybe that's how I complicated everything.
It's not that I wanted to be someone I'm not, let alone any negative intentions. It's just sometimes I myself am scared of this side of me, one which I'm trying hard to change too. It's just a part that is heavily affected by my emotions and feelings and I know how dangerous that can get, so I tries to hide it all away.
I don't know, all I knew was that I made mistakes, though I still often tries to identify where I went wrong. I just feels so sorry for all the wrong steps I made that leads everything to where it is now. There's nothing I wouldn't give to go back to when everything seems so perfect, so simple, and elegant.
But now is now. I can't tell for sure how this story of my life is gonna be, if it's gonna be just a short story, a long solitary one or one that's just like anything in life, started off rough but everything eventually turns out well. I can't tell for sure. I don't believe in perfect happy endings. But I do believe in life that we could be content and grateful of. I guess I'll keep trying, do whatever I can and pray hard it'll be just fine, someday.
posted by Garry at 12:36 AM
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