Keep Wondering Why

Its been awhile since I posted anything here, I wonder why I'm here now.

I was just trying my best not to repeat the same old mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve, coming with heart in hands, only to make a complete fool out of myself. It was really a bad habit, I mean look at where I am now. I've completely isolated myself. I mean, ranting is really that bad.

All the time there sure to be something that will remind me of how insignificant I am, or rather, how insignificant I've become. There's really no one to be blame but myself. Then again, I think I've gone through this like a thousand times now. There's no point talking about it again and again here.

I've always wanted to have a place to let everything one, somewhere, thinking maybe it helps. The desire never change, and the solution never came as well. I'm one of those who have so much to be let out and yet with no one or nowhere to do so. I might as well just suck it up. I mean, where can I do so without any consequences?

I know I was and am wrong. Its just something that sometimes I can't control, so it may have shown in the words I put some places, or here, and especially here. But while feeling so was wrong, I think everyone needs to sometimes let what they're feeling inside out. Yet I guess I couldn't do that in the right way, or perhaps never really did have the opportunity to so and yet I wants to do so. That's why there's so much repercussion to it, some of it hurts really bad. Some really made me regret it, that I can't undo all those mistake to turn things around for the better.

Ah well, being 22, I wonder if its way too old for me to still act like a retard everyday. Makes everyone hates me. No fun.

I need a tourniquet...