I Hold My Breath

Wow, been so long since I came here to this little hideout of mine when words just don’t fit anywhere else. Since the last time I posted an entry here, so many things had came and gone. I’ve finish all my mid terms exam since then, and some were just about ok, other’s were disastrous. But that was not to say my entire day was ruin, ironically I must say. And then there was this assignment, for one, I thought I was so blessed to get some help from, well, I know who. I’d imagine had it been anyone else, they would not be too keen to share anything with an inept student like me. I felt really glad, really thankful. Then the second one wasn’t so much of a wonderland tale. My group decided that while others work better under pressure, we works only under pressure. It was a last minute job. But heck, it’s all done and dusted now.

But oh boy, I don’t know what to say. So many thoughts spawn in my head all the time like mushrooms growing after the rain. But you know, for the pass few weeks I felt like everything’s just the way I thought life should be. I mean, there are ups and downs, yes there are downs but there are ups too, which was something that I spend most of my life missing it rather then enjoying it.

I’ve always wanted to have this kind of life that often is reflected by others around me, the kind I thought to be, a normal life. And I actually thought I had this little sneak preview of it. Oh well I think I’m beginning to twist my thoughts around its getting entangled. I’ll just say this short and straight. This semester, has been a very great one for me thus far.

I could state out a hundred and one reasons why but I don’t think I needs to. And I think that in time to come, I’ll really miss those times. I really will, no matter what will happen after this, or what had just happened. Like I’ve mention, it was just a sneak preview of something that perhaps I don’t deserve. And what’s more, next semester onwards, I think it’ll again be awkward for me, feeling so detach from this “year” of student that I use to see for the pass few years already.

It’s just so strange how the tides swing on and on and it’s like my life will never settle down and I’m always left wanting more of something that will eventually be so far away from me. I don’t know how to handle it, I can’t cope with it maturely enough, and I guess that’s why I leads such a trash life.

I don’t want to think what the future holds for me, it scares me so much.