Crime and Punishment

I seems to recall once upon a time ago, I told myself that there are many things, or thoughts in me that should just stay in me. I guess that promise got lost somewhere in the way.

The thing is, I sometimes don't even know what I'm doing. All I know is that I'm making a hobby out of embarrassing myself and making things worse for myself, doing things or saying stuff that backfires on me.

All that I can do right now is to keep replaying those times in the past 2 years or so and think about how I reacted which made me realize how damaging they were, and back then, everything was so much more better, I just never realized it. Now that I could compare the past to the present, it just pales in comparison to where I am now. The least I could do was just to kept all my thoughts here in this blog if I had too, but I let a lot of them spills out time and time again.

I don't think I can ever find the words to describe how sorry I am, nor will I ever had the opportunity to make that know. At the end of the day, everything I wish I could say could only stay here, and everything I should have hide away just somehow escapes here.

I could probably write an encyclopedia out of all my twisted thoughts that had ever came out of my entangled mind, but I guess it all boils down to one very simple thing, which was the feelings I developed, that I had for... I just blew everything out of proportion, I was insecure, I second guessed, and... And I guess I just wish I knew then what I knew after wards, I would have not let my emotions complicate everything up.

There's so much I need to fix in myself, I just don't know what to do now.

And the funny thing is that I keep making the same mistakes and the tattooed onto myself the same regrets over and over again.