Who Am I?

If anyone ever ask me what kind of guy I am, my answer will always be "it's up to you to judge me". Well, sometimes I don't even know myself. Day by day, I'm still learning about myself, discovering more and more about myself.

I recall back in my primary school days, where i learned in this science subject, about this kind of experiment, called black box experiment. To simplify the idea, it's like we're given a box containing a object, and we're suppose to study the characteristic of the object without opening the box. Stuff than can be studied are such as it's weight and how it bounce off the box's wall and so on. The idea here is to study about something without directly studying that thing itself. Rather to see all the consequece it as on a set of test being put to it. To see it's effect of it.

Well, discovering about myself is just similer to that idea. I don't know all facts about me, my attitude, or sometimes what I actually wants. It's not like i have a mnaual describing all my features and characteristic.

So, the only way i'm learning about myself is through what's happening around me that's related to me, be it a cause or consequence of my actions, observing how i deal with the people around me, or how they deal with me, and the list goes on.

So how do I find myself?
I hate to be a perfectionist, but i just can't help but to feel that I'm badly flawed. There's just so much room to improve i guess. One thing is that I'm oftent lack of confidence, especially when it comes to important task. And sometimes I might be overprotective, over-controled each and every step I do, so afraid that I might make another mistake, and as a consequence, it back fires on me.

But one of my biggest weakness is that I oftent can't see the bad consequence of my actions. I oftent think that it's ok to try and that the worst that could happens ain't that bad afterall. Only to find out later on that I've screwed up badly, and what's broken can't be fixed again.

Anyway, well I guess this is growing up. We fall, we hit the ground, pick ouself up again and we learn. What that doesn't kills me only makes me stronger.

Once the dust has settled, pick up all the hopes that's left it there's any. If there aren't any chance left, I had to just accept it. I'll cherish all the good times we've had and learn from the bad ones.